Moses Lake,

3x tights
thongs
briefs
nude short-tard
classwork
warm ups
4x normal clothes
stage make up
hair gear

Power to the self!

Auditions... shit... Not much to say other than I'm feeling good. And I have new theories about life a little bit. More soon!

Do it for the living, do it for the dead

New phobia: Eye contact. When did I get out of the habit of making eye contact? hm.
Things I happen to know about myself:
1. I love the idea of personal freedom.
2. Things are fun when I'm good at them.
3. I like expressing myself.
4. I enjoy catching people totally being themselves by mistake.
5. I blocked someone I was furious with recently on facebook and it proves satisfying.
6. Photographs feed my soul.
7. My sister and I keep a secret list of people we wish were our friends.
8. I splatter my fridge with randomocities.
9. I kicked my coffee addiction and after a week and a half I don't even like the taste much anymore!
10. I dig being single, kind of as much as I love being in love.
11. I have begun spritzing my bed with stress-relieving aromatherapy...
12. I don't regret being a vegan :)

Problems

Compulsive hoarding

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Compulsive hoarding in an apartment, circa early 1970s.

Compulsive hoarding (or pathological hoarding or disposophobia^[1] or the Messie mindset) is a mental disorder marked by an obsessive need to acquire (and failure to use or discard) a significant amount of possessions, even if the items are worthless, hazardous, or unsanitary. Compulsive hoarding causes significant clutter and impairment to basic living activities, including mobility, cooking, cleaning, showering, and sleeping. A person who engages in compulsive hoarding is commonly said to be a "pack rat", in reference to that animal's apparent fondness for material objects.

It is not clear whether compulsive hoarding is an isolated disorder, or rather a symptom of another condition, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder.^[2] Hoarding unnecessary possessions may be referred to as syllogomania.

Living in a basement really doesn't help my case since every little thing is slightly dusty and the lack of air-flow results in potent smells of gum, lotions, old perfumes... bleh I hate it down there right now! And it's dark too. That's no excuse for my strange overflow of scraps of paper, old magazines, random ripped envelopes that have been sitting in some boxes since I was 13! I cleanced out the majority of the useless stuff but I still have sooo much. I can't stand it down there right now though so I'll stay up here on ground level and breath out the window.

ANAL-lyzing and postal men

Maybe I never did hurt anyone, maybe I just hurt myself. And every little time I apologize to people, I'm apologizing to myself for what is. Then in my dreams those people finally apologize back and I forgive them for the first time. In that, I forgive myself... one step closer to never hurting myself in the first place.
Humans analyze every little element of their being (well, SOME do)... it's such a refined version of instincts. Does this mean I am more evolved thanks to my careful view and reflection on things? Probably no... but I'll take that. It's fun to toss around the possibly of my issues being strengths.
I spend dozens of hours a week meeting with friends over meals or coffee (now tea since I've given up the caffine addiction) listening to these tragic stories of these goddess-like young women struggling through life with depression, self-doubt, failed relationships (boys, I may never forgive you for the pain that has ensued you), addictions, and the gnawing feeling in our guts that we know time is slipping through our fingers.
With every breath we take, one less of life. How beautiful, how interesting. Nothing makes a more intense feeling than hopelessness. It's life, the pain, and it never goes away. So we might as well respect it and make our effort to improve ourselves as we heal. This is the only time we're guaranteed...
No one. No. One. deserves to feel this way, to suffer. Especially you, who might read this. I love you too much. It can't always be controlled but when we have each other maybe we can squeak by through life with a smile some of the time xo
Also, I'd like to become friends with a postal worker. I don't care what kind. Does anyone know where these people reside? I feel like they are this secret clan... One that doesn't intereact with the outside world... oh, wait. Those are ballerinas I'm thinking of (the last part at least).

Danger is my new middle name...

Melancholy girls make the best angsty art hang out friends... Just a realization. You know who you are; and I love you!

mememememe

I've realized that I really appreciate when people share things they like with me so I am putting up what I've been up to on my lovely lappy I named feeshy- fish! They're mostly blogs, random photo sites, videos of mine, things more people should know about <3 width="425" height="344">
(creds to my lovely sister Katie)
http://imboycrazy.com/
http://feaverishphotography.com/blog/2010/01/cate-underwood/
http://yellsaccani.com/work.html
http://yayeveryday.com/
http://www.facebook.com/pages/ballerina-project/22455674948
http://vimeo.com/5547271
Also here is a list of musical artists you should know about (credit again given to Katie, as well as Vimala and Tyler):
The Hush Sound
The Format
Nevershoutnever
Vampire Weekend
Automatic loveletter
Bright Eyes
Cat Power
M Ward
Death Cab for Cutie
Fruit Bats
Phoenix
MGMT
A Fine Frenzy
Dandy Warhols
Chromeo
Tu Fawning
... They're not unheard of bands but they matter to me so yes, if you found anything new/ you appreciate, then yay! Also, I draw some BA pictures and flow charts... more to come :]