Maybe I never did hurt anyone, maybe I just hurt myself. And every little time I apologize to people, I'm apologizing to myself for what is. Then in my dreams those people finally apologize back and I forgive them for the first time. In that, I forgive myself... one step closer to never hurting myself in the first place.
Humans analyze every little element of their being (well, SOME do)... it's such a refined version of instincts. Does this mean I am more evolved thanks to my careful view and reflection on things? Probably no... but I'll take that. It's fun to toss around the possibly of my issues being strengths.
I spend dozens of hours a week meeting with friends over meals or coffee (now tea since I've given up the caffine addiction) listening to these tragic stories of these goddess-like young women struggling through life with depression, self-doubt, failed relationships (boys, I may never forgive you for the pain that has ensued you), addictions, and the gnawing feeling in our guts that we know time is slipping through our fingers.
With every breath we take, one less of life. How beautiful, how interesting. Nothing makes a more intense feeling than hopelessness. It's life, the pain, and it never goes away. So we might as well respect it and make our effort to improve ourselves as we heal. This is the only time we're guaranteed...
No one. No. One. deserves to feel this way, to suffer. Especially you, who might read this. I love you too much. It can't always be controlled but when we have each other maybe we can squeak by through life with a smile some of the time xo
Also, I'd like to become friends with a postal worker. I don't care what kind. Does anyone know where these people reside? I feel like they are this secret clan... One that doesn't intereact with the outside world... oh, wait. Those are ballerinas I'm thinking of (the last part at least).
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