"...turned my face against the wind"

With all that has been, is, and will be in my life... For the first time I don't have worry. My thoughts may not be clear right now but instincts are, and it's a nice thing! I have everything to gain at this point... I think being this free is a nice feeling because I have faith in the universe. I'm just trying to fight my urge to plan right now, it's the last thing I need to be doing to myself or others. I genuinely can't wait to see where this next chapter leads... I feel a change in the wind, and I don't know what it is but I smell adventure :)

I fully apologize for my delay of bloggery...
I'm working now, which is good, it is a constant measurement of my patience and teaches me something new about myself constantly. I'm now eating eggs and yogurt, we'll see how I like it. I'm just experimenting with my diet as always. Maybe I'll learn I feel better with a little added protein once and a while. I'm also trying to do enclosed small meals instead of big ones with random snacking... snacking is different from small meals, in my opinion. Anyways I'm going to head to bed, I'll write more soon I swear.

August 6

I like puppies...

"Don't forget to be fierce."

Went a little crazy with this pics this post. I still could have done more! They speak for me...

I heart your style.

He inspired me...

Balanchine on the brain (thanks to Superman) I thought it'd be appropriate to write about the man since I'm studying under his technique here in Austin. Mr. George Balanchine is called the father of American ballet... He is who started New York City Ballet and it's school School of American Ballet. He's the reason skinny is "in" in ballet... but unlike many of his followers, he was obsessed with the female body... skinny, but still a woman. Suzanne Farrell is the perfect example. In her biography she tells how after every performance she was told to lose 5 more pounds... Other dancers have stories of all the dancers going to dinner with them and everyone having a bowl of spagetti and he placing an apple in her spot as her dinner. But she never looked like a 12 year old boy to me (like some of the ballerinas in the world today). The best twist to this story is he was in love with the woman. She was his muse, his inspiration. You can see his love for her in his eyes in all these pictures I think (some of these pictures are her dancing with Peter Martins, now the Director of NYCB). He divorced (one of his many) wives to be with her. There was a fall out between them for some time before they reconciled in `75... His last choreographic works were solos for Farrell before his death. There are many new generations to Balanchine but it is still very alive today as ever. You can spot a new generation Balanchine ballerina compared to other ballerinas easily; thin, long hyper-extended legs, in classic freed pointe shoes, yumiko leotard, short tapered skirt worn on the hips (rather than the waist) and the Balanchine bun usually... even the little delicate necklace and minimal make up. I personally love it... But it's funny, I've trained in that style for 3 summers, never a full year or anything. It's definately a little cult I pretend to belong to.

Austin might be cool but it doesn't have you...

I've been surrounded by so many beautiful hearts recently... I've done three photo shoots this week with photographers, dancers and athletes that over time have become friends that are so dear to my heart. I've been pretty overwhelmed by the weight these next three weeks will carry for me in my life, going to Austin, trying to ride it gracefully. Recently I was driving in the car with two grown men to find a location for the next photo shoot and I hear and unreserved conversation of them discussing what vows mean between two people to them. I became overwhelmed with confidence in the future of man kind. I have nothing to say other than I'm blessed with hope and love and prosperity in the air... and it is all thanks to the people around me. Thank you.

"We're stronger than we look"

I’m sitting in my friend Vimala’s apartment… She is packing to move to Winnipeg in 1.5 days. It’s a little scary how quickly you can vacate somewhere. I’m sitting at my computer with no internet (I’m writing this in a word document) and doing all the things I did while I was in New York a year ago. Listening to the music my sister uploaded onto my computer, only 24 albums… which might sound like a lot but with the amount of time I spent alone in my room listening to music, I know every word like the back of my hand. I’m forcing myself to listen to a cd I was given while in NY. I listened to it so much. The whiny music rips into me the same way it did while I was alone in my shitty dorm room… It was a weird time in my life. Out of boredom I went out, bought the cheapest box of black hair dye, and dyed my hair. My hair says so much about my state of mind. Having my hair light makes me feel like a different person... Changing the subject to Vimala is on her phone talking about how dancers move so commonly that we are desensitized from feeling sad when one moves. I suppose it’s true, we start it young. I had trouble with home sickness my first couple of summer intensives, it's pretty common. When I got older I formed close bonds with my friends then be sad for weeks after summer because I missed them so much. After you adjust and make friends, it's terrible to say goodbye. Luckily the ones I've missed the most I actually have had opportunities to see again. This summer is difficult yet so exciting because my fate is completely up in the air... Vimala just mentioned her life in boxes, as a response I pout and lay my head on my laptop. I’m sure I’m giving my brain radiation or something. But it makes me sad. I know I will see you again, beautiful Vimala.

Inspiration

13 days before I head to Austin... Let's go out in style.